So its hard to say where I should start because so much has happened. I will just start when we left Oxford. We made a hilarious and super frustrating mistake of taking the wrong train to the wrong airport. It wasn't really anyone's fault just a misunderstanding and a lack of attention on our part. However, we stayed strong(by not talking to each other) and managed to get to the correct airport to just hop on the next flight out of London without paying any extra fees. We landed in Antwerp and hopped on a train to Brussels. We arrived about 6 in the evening and called Angela's Uncle who was going to meet us at the central train station in Brussels. This was by far the biggest part of our trip for Angela so far. This was her father's(who passed away when she was 6)brother who she hadn't seen since she was very little. So to say the least she was very nervous but excited as well. When she finally did see her Uncle Giles she was basically in tears. It was a wonderful reunion for them.
For the sake of time I am going to sum Brussels up in a few sentences real fast so I can move on to Amsterdam. I will detail Brussels later. Angela's Uncle spoiled us rotten!! He put us up in The Royal Windsor in central Brussels so we could walk around and see all the sights, took us out to numerous dinners, and took us both on a day trip to Bruges. He probably spent well over $2000 on us. All this time Angela and I thought we were backpackers and here we are being spoiled rotten in luxury. I tried numerous times to get the check or help out but the best he would let me do is purchase lunch one day when we were in Bruges so all I could do is be extremely grateful. I also had an amazing night learning all about Angela's family history. Pretty cool stuff.
So after an amazing 3 nights and 4 days in Brussels we took off for Amsterdam by train. We arrived in Amsterdam around 2 or 3 in the afternoon and it was pouring down snow...oh yeah and we had decided to wing our trip to Amsterdam...so we had no where to go. We walked about two blocks from central station and were getting frustrated with ourselves already when we passed a pub called The Flying Dutchmen that was an American/British pub. We decided to stop in and get a drink and make some phone calls from the pub to find a place to stay. I have to hand it to Angela, her outgoing and friendly nature led us to an amazing weekend. She started talking to the bartender who was an older american man named Willy. He had actually lived in Florida around the same location where I worked so we got along great. Soon enough he figured we needed a place to stay and recommended a hotel his friend worked at only a block away. He called the place up and they only had one room left but we could only have it if we booked it for 4 nights. So we shrugged our shoulders and took it. We had already checked and everything in town was taken or to expensive so this was perfect. I went to go take care of the room while Angela stayed at the pub and while I was away made friends with an older british couple who gave her the name of a B&B their friends owned in southern Spain right on the water and would discount our stay with them. How awesome is that going to be?!?

Skip forward

So we dropped our bags off in the room and got comfortable. We didn't do to much the first night there because my credit cards were having problems and I had to make some phone calls to fix them, with the help of my parents back home of course. So the weather was crazy while we were in Amsterdam switching back and forth from beautiful sunshine to snow like every 30 minutes. I honestly didn't mind but I think it annoyed Angela a little. So with sporadic weather we set out on Saturday for the Van Gogh museum which at first was really overwhelming due to the number of people there. It was also Easter weekend so that might explain why there was a mass of people too. The Van Gogh Museum also had another exhibit of John Millais which I actually was more impressed with then Van Gogh. So after Van Gogh we had lunch at an Irish pub and headed back to the hotel. We ended up taking a nap for an hour or two then decided to experiment with what Amsterdam is best known for. I won't go into any great detail due to who reads this but we got stoned and stayed that way for pretty much the next 3 days and nights. Which was a good thing because on Sunday night after visiting a near by town, where we viewed the MC Escher museum, Angela got some really bad news that one of her close friends had committed suicide back in florida. It broke her heart and confused her a lot and I tried to be there for her the best I could. I am not sure what it was exactly but it brought us extremely close and we decided to continue on with our trip and we did that by getting lost in Amsterdam and in each other. To this day it is one of the greatest weekends of my life. I can't even begin to explain it. After Amsterdam we returned back to Oxford because we couldn't pass up a free place to stay and eat while we could plan better trips to take that and a place to revive a little from Amsterdam. A base of operations if you will. So from here we are headed to Dublin, Ireland for 2 nights and then back to Oxford again to set up for some warmer climates in southern Spain and Italy. After that we will probably start thinking of returning to the states. I know this isn't the best blog...no great details or anything but I am pressed for time so maybe next time.

So much can happen in one day its hard to try and type a blog about it. Especially one covering two days in Oxford. I will just try and sum things up with my highs. So we hopped on a train from London to Oxford and it took about an hour and a half to get there. The train dropped us off pretty much right on the outskirts of the city center. We hadn't got in touch with our couch surfing contact yet so we headed to the hostel across the street to get a room. The hostel was extremely nice but a little pricey. I had taken care of the train tickets to Oxford so Angela took care of the hostel. It pretty much balanced it out. We dropped off our bags and hit the town for some lunch. We ate at a place run by some frenchmen called the jam factory which was also a college art gallery. The food was great and cheap, the atmosphere very laid back. We loved it! We then got in touch with James the couch surfing contact and he met up with us with in the hour and he started showing us around town. He took us down some back alleys to a pub called The Turf Tavern. The place was perfect! And so cheap!! James bought the first round and I bought the second. We then set off to James house to meet his housemates and see where we would be staying after tonight. It was a decent walk but we all had a lot to talk about so it went by pretty quickly. James is going to Oxford Brooks and is majoring in real estate. He has already traveled in the fashion that Angela and I are traveling in now. He has been to Africa, New Zealand, all over Europe and Las Vegas. His housemates and him are extremely nice guys. They are a couple years younger and all in college. If I can remember it all correctly there is James, Guy, Matt, and Will. There is also another housemate named Reese but he is out of town and we are taking his room. They cook and drink like no one I have ever met. They cooked us Steak, cheese mashed potatoes, and vegetables. All seasoned to perfection. While cooking we drank beer, while eating we drank a lot of wine, and after dinner more people joined us and drinking games began with rum and vodka mixed with OJ and an apple drink called Tango. It was an amazing night of laughing and drinking. Eventually around 12 or 1a.m. they all wanted to go to a club they called clem's(clementines) we however could not get in because we were not students. Which suited us just fine because we were about at our drinking limit and the hostel wasn't to far away. So we walked back to the hostel and crashed for the night.

We both woke up with slight headaches that went away after a good shower and breakfast. Then we checked out, got a cab and headed back to James to stash our stuff. We stayed for about an hour and headed out to meet Angela's Uncle and cousins. It was about a 2 mile walk from James house. So after a few hesitant turns we ended up at Angela's family and were welcomed in with open arms. We ended up going to lunch at The Eagle and The Child pub where JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis used to drink and hang out. The food and drink were excellent and fair priced. Angela's Uncle picked up the tab and we headed back to his house to watch the rugby matches. The whole time there and at The Eagle and The Child he was drinking and encouraging the both of us too. Being an Irishmen who am I to refuse? So once again we went through both beer and wine(with a nice chesse plate). Ireland lost to England which I won't write anymore about because there is no reason too. Wales beat France for the grand slam championship. It was pretty impressive. Then we all went to dinner with some friends of Mark's(Angela's uncle) at a place called Brown's. It was pretty good and surprisingly had Brooklyn Lager in bottles. So after more food, beer, wine, and great conversation we headed out to be dropped back off at James. When we got back to the house James let us in but everyone was pretty much already passed out because they had been drinking it up during all the rugby matches. So we did the same and just passed out.

We have both decided not to go to Dublin for St. Patrick's for numerous reasons. One is that apparently Ireland wanted to move St. Patrick's day because they didn't want it to be in the same week with Easter but we never found out what the final decision on that was. Then we have been having such a good time in Oxford with her family and the couch surfing friends we made, that we think it will be more fun to stay and celebrate with them. Plus cheaper. So sometime after monday we will head to Brussels but we aren't sure how we are getting there yet. I am sure we will manage though. Eventually I will have some pictures to show everyone on here. I am going to run now though for more food and alcohol with great englishmen in Oxford.

So I'm here in London! Angela and I are staying in a Bed & Breakfast in Notting Hill. We are on are second day here and it has been great! The first day we got to London around 6am and reached our B&B by about 8a.m., check in wasn't until 2:00 that afternoon, but we were aloud to leave our bags there in the meantime. So we hit the streets to get lost and see everything we could until check in time. We figured out the London tube system with out any problem and bought day passes to save money since we would be using them a lot. We hit Piccadilly Circus first and started wandering around. The temperature was probably in the 40s, so it was a little chilly. Luckily we came upon London's National Art Gallery which was free to the public. So we warmed up in there for a little viewing some very very famous and impressive art work. Then we went on to see Big Ben, Parliament Square, Buckingham Palace, and took a ride in the Eye of London. All that on no sleep, except what little we got on the plane. So to say the least we were exhausted. After all that, we headed back to the B&B to check in. We took about a two and half hour nap and decided to just stick around Notting Hill for the evening and head out in the morning. We went to a local pub called The Champion where we both had Shepards Pie and a beer. We thought we were still pretty tired so we bought a cheap bottle of wine and some Jaffa Cakes(angela's favorite) and just turned in for the night enjoying each others company and the comfort of our room. However, around midnight we both ended up getting restless and decided to go walk around. I don't think it was jetlag though. We would have gone back to Piccadilly Circus to walk around but the trains were all shutting down for the night so we spent about and hour or more walking around Notting Hill. It was awesome. We walked around Kennsington Gardens and saw all the embassy houses and back down to Holland Park where we found an international hostel. It was a great walk because of how quiet and empty everything was. We never felt in danger or anything it was quite the opposite. We felt very comfortable and safe walking around. When we got back to the B&B we crashed and slept until about 8:30 the next morning. We only got up that early to catch breakfast since it was over by 9:00. So another great day begins. We headed out and walked around Portobello Market. I think its the market you see Hugh Grant walking through in the movie Notting Hill when all the seasons change. It was pretty cool. Then we headed to London Bridge to go see The London Dungeons. I wasn't to keen on this at first because it was a little pricey but when we finished it was worth it. Not only a great history lesson on some of the most violent and brutal things to ever happen in London but a lot of fun rides, a twisted mirror maze, and british comedy mixed in. We then went to a Fish and Chips shop and indulged in some british cuisine as we sat on a bench on The Queen's Walk and looked out over the Thames with the Tower Bridge in the background. After lunch we headed to Piccadilly Circus to pick up tickets for The Phantom of The Opera(Angela's idea and treat) which is playing tonight at 7:30. I can't wait!! Then tomorrow we check out and head off to Oxford to drink a couple of pints in The Eagle and The Child Pub which once served J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. While visiting Angela's family of course. So that pretty much sums up the first two days. Not sure when I will be able to post again...so until next time.

So this will be the first post of many to come in the next 2 months. I'm off to Europe for March, April, and perhaps if I am lucky, some of May too. I would go into great detail about how I managed to find myself in this position, but I am pretty sure anyone who takes the time to read this already knows me well enough, and the details are no mystery to them.

I am all packed and ready to go and have to say am more nervous at this point then excited. I have never really completed a trip of this magnitude before and hope I have everything in order. I have attempted twice before in my life to travel for long periods of time in a nomadic like fashion but failed on both occasions. The first time because I was young, naive and got scared. Then the second when I returned from Iraq, and to say the least was not in the best mental condition of my life. Third times a charm right!? Lets hope so. Luckily I will not be alone on this adventure, as I was the two prior times I tried this. I have a good friend, Angela, who I only just met last month coming with me. We kind of dreamed up this trip together after we met and on a whim said lets go. Before we knew it neither one of us were backing out or calling each others bluff(not that either of us were bluffing)and the tickets were booked. So tomorrow at 12:30 we leave Ft. Lauderdale and travel to JFK airport where we have a 4 hour layover and at 7:30 in the evening we depart for London. We arrive 6:00a.m. London time. We already have a bed & breakfast booked(you can check it out at the link below).


http://www.bluebellshotel.com/

We are only staying two nights and then on to Oxford to visit Angela's family. Her uncle and two cousins. We are using another website called couchsurfing.com I think it is an amazing website for the budget traveler. It is a global community of travelers who open up their couches and spare bedrooms to any traveler in need, when they are in one place long enough. We have already been in contact with numerous people in Oxford and Dublin, Ireland who are ready to accept me and Angela at their homes. I have never done anything like that before so I will be sure to write an entry about how good...or bad...our time using couchsurfing.com is.

http://www.couchsurfing.com/

Well, I would make this post longer but it is already almost 1:00a.m. and I have a long day of traveling ahead of me tomorrow. For those of you who pray, send us your prayers. For those of you who don't, keep us in your thoughts. So wish us luck and I will keep in touch as much as possible. Until next time.

Just a random video experiment with my new camera. The quality came out ok over you tube. It looks a lot better on the camera and on my computer it self.








Here are a few more pics. One of the bartender from Dive bar.




One of Angela and I at The Field.





One of Eddy looking scary at work.




So since I am at work that will be enough but expect more journal entry's soon. Only 6 more days until Europe!!!

So lately I have been working a lot more than usual. Like 60 hours a week maybe more, I haven't exactly counted but the last four weekends I have had to work on both Saturday and Sunday. Leaving me very little time for myself to relax and have fun. Which is a shame because for some reason in my life right now I feel really creative. I can't quite describe it but I feel the constant urge to want to be artistic. Not in the sense of draw or paint something, though I have been drawing a little, but also writing and photography have been inspiring me more to pursue them possibly even music. I was at a co-workers house the other night and he actually showed me how to play a few chords on the guitar and it really felt exciting. I am hoping to learn a lot more. This week is a pretty big week in music for me as I get to go see Broken Social Scene tomorrow night and then on Friday night I am going to see Pete Yorn. I had planned next Tuesday to go see Bloc Party and Panic at the disco but have decided not to due to funds. I would rather save my money so I can go see Deathcab for Cutie on the 20th.

I was planning a trip to Prague with my friend Jeff Earley. We were going to meet up with Matt Ables who is living over there now but again due to funds I could not. However, Jeff is still going and I am sure he will have a kick ass time. I will be heading up to Washington D.C. for Thanksgiving instead to see Kirsten. Which should also be a lot of fun. For Christmas I plan to head home to Greenville for at least a week. Though its pretty much two months away I am surprisingly looking forward to it.

Recently I made a myspace page (another result of bottled up creativity) and I have found it quite addictive. It feeds all my desires of Music, Film, Friends, and more. Well, I am going to keep this short but as a farewell try to add two music videos from You Tube of upcoming bands I am seeing. Hope I can get it to work. Until next time.

Broken Social Scene-Fireyedboy










Pete Yorn-Crystal Village

Here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

note: I promise I didn't make any of these up!



opening credits: "God Fearing Man" - Ben Harper

waking up: "Easier to Lie" - Aqualung

first day at school: "Should've Known Better" - Nickle Creek

falling in love: "The Wilderness" - Duncan Sheik

fight song: "Hospital Food" - David Gray

break up song: "Only Moment We Were Alone" - Explosions in the Sky

prom: "Haunted" - Evanescence

life's ok: "Studying Politics" - Emery

mental breakdown: "Gloria" - U2

driving: "One" - Filter

flashback: "Losing Hope" - Jack Johnson

get back together: "Gathering Dust" - David Gray

wedding: "Traveler's Song" Fruit Bats

birth of child: "Riffs and Variations On A Single Note For Jelly Roll, Earl Hines, Louis Armstrong, Baby Dodds, And The King of Swing, To Name A Few" - Sufjan Stevens

final battle: "Lucky" - Josh Joplin

death scene: "Fragile Day" - South

funeral song: "Sit Down, Stand Up(Snakes & Ladders)" - Radiohead

end credits: "How Could I Hold On" - Stabbing Westward


So that was copied off of Matt Ables livejournal and that is my result above. Not bad there are a few I would change but for the most part my soundtrack rocks. Its actually kind of a dark soundtrack.

So this is a long time coming but a few weeks ago I went to go see Sound Tribe Sector Nine at a club called Revolution in downtown Ft. Lauderdale. It was an incredible experience. The website said the opening band would be starting at about 8:00 and STSN would be on at 9:00. I should have known better having worked at The Handlebar. I got there around 7:30/8:00 and was one of the first dozen people through the door. I walked around observing my surroundings. Noticing right away that I was on the second floor of a three story building and the stage was on the first level. The stage was in the center of the building, It was raised high above the ground so no crazy drunk fans could climb up on stage. It had leather couchs and chairs wrapped around the walls most of which were already occupied with waiting fans. From that level you walk up about 5 to 8 steps to the second level (the one I was on). Near the entrance/exit is where they were selling merchandise for the bands and next to that was a long wrap around bar the took up 50% of the second level with only ladies working the bar. I bought myself a Heinikien on tap and walked to some black leather chairs on my level in the corner near the stage. There were some other couchs and chairs there which became occupied not long after I sat down. There was a great mix of people walking in(Hippies,Punks,Every Nationality). It was pretty cool to see and everyone seemed to have some sort of glow stick, wand or necklace. Security was trying to collect as much of it as they could because they thought it would be thrown at the stage. Some of the kids were reluctant to give it up and security pretty much forced it out of there hands. The group sitting next to me were more of a hippie crowd and asked me questions about STSN, which wasn't much, but I was eager to see them perform. I knew the name of the album I had, a few of the songs on it, but besides that I didn't know anything. So after another beer the opening band finally started and for the life of me I can't remember their names. They were all right but nothing to impressive. So I eventually got up to wonder around some more and found the stairs going up to the third level(and by far the best level) It wrapped around the entire building in a 360 balcony allowing you view the stage/band and the lower levels with out any problem at all. This also had leather chairs and couchs wrapping its perimeter. I was up there in perfect timing as well since STSN was starting up. Though heat rises they must have had some pretty good air conditioning going on because it was the perfect temperature on the third level. So after using the restroom and grabbing another beer I found a spot along the rail and enjoyed the show, the view from above was awesome to witness. Hundreds of people crowded together dancing and moving as one and those glow sticks and wands that security were trying to acquire was a big failure because dozens of them were being thrown threw the audience and being twirled by fans. I had to admit how could you not get caught up in all the excitement? STSN had 5 guys on stage. The man on keyboards was surrounded by 7 keyboards and some other sound devices I am not sure of and kept switching between the machines like a maniac it was a sight to see. The 2 guitar players both had their own keyboards in front of them which they would switch between when not playing guitar. Plus you had two separate drummers one on your basic percussion drum set and another on hand drums. Watching the 5 of them play along with one of the best light shows I have ever seen to match music gave me a buzz that just made me feel happy to be alive and witnessing this. Though I wish I had my friends to share it with I still never felt alone either and never stopped enjoying it.
Being there as long as I had you just pay attention to people and certain faces stand out and show up again and again. So these two guys that were standing next to me on the rail I had noticed a few times downstairs. Eventually we start talking between songs just making comments about how good the show was and where we were from and making fun of people in the crowd. Their names were John and Andrew they seemed to have a good knowledge of concerts in the area because they mentioned the names of two other concert venues I should check out and said they were going out of town in a weekend or two to see one. By about 11:45/12:00 I had to get going because I had to be at work in the morning at 9:00 it just so happened John and Andrew were leaving as well and we walked out together and when we hit the street they said they were staying out for one more beer and asked if I wanted to join and of course I did. We went to a place a block away called Dicey Rileys and Irish Pub. They bought me a pint of Yuengling(spell?) and we talked for a while about music and good beers. On our way out John gave me his number and said to call him about some up coming concerts and hanging out. It seemed a little weird because how often do guys meet at a concert/bar and then hang out later but we all joked about it for a minute and said good-bye. I still haven't called them but plan to this week. I hope this isn't to long and drawn out and its enjoyed by those who read it. I have to go now because LOST is starting and I can't miss it. Until next time.

I haven't really kept up with this live journal at all but will be making more of an effort in the future since a great deal is going on in my life now. Recently I moved to Ft. lauderdale Florida to start a job with my Aunt and Uncle. I am living at their house for free and getting paid. I can't really complain but it does get lonely a lot because there is no one here I really relate to yet. You know similar interests and opinions? I try not to let it get me down though for instance there are going to be some killer concerts coming to the ft. lauderdale/miami area. Tomorrow night I am going to see Sound Tribe Sector Nine(STSN)at a concert venue called Revolution(www.jointherevolution.net). I checked them out on the web and they have a few other good acts coming such as Pete Yorn and Copeland. So I will definitely be going to see them. I think Deathcab for Cutie and Broken Social Scene will be in Miami soon too. I will not be missing those.

Other then the concerts I plan to do some scuba diving and check out some of the beaches. I hear South beach in Miami is topless....so I will stay way clear of that beach....hehe!! I see a lot of the recent movies out in theaters, which I don't mind at all I love movies. This weekend I believe I will be seeing The Departed with Jack Nicholson, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Matt Damon. Its directed by Martin Scorsese who is one of the most talented directors in the world. He has directed Goodfellas, Casino, Gangs of New York, The Aviator, just to name a few. I might also sneak into The Science of Sleep with Gael Garcia Bernal which was directed by Michel Gondry who directed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I usually end up sneaking into an extra movie here or there....or basically every time I go to a movie I sneak into see a second one. I have nothing else to do and I love movies. So why not?

I usually don't like cable TV. Two shows who caught my attention though have been Lost and Heroes and now I am addicted to them. Lost's third season actually starts tonight in a little bit, I can't wait. Heroes is an awesome idea basically because it entertains everyone who ever loved comic books or the idea of having super powers and what would happen in present time today if everyday people started to develop, out of the blue, extrordinary abilities. It has really good characters, a lot like the way Lost does, and you usually cling to a favorite. The thing about both Lost and Heroes I like is they play out a lot like movies do and not your regular TV show. They usually all end on cliffhangers though and that kills me if I am not watching them on DVD and can't skip to the next episode like with both of these shows now.

Since I have been here I have read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray bradbury, No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy, and The Quiet American by Graham Greene. All three books are amazing and I recommend them to anyone who loves to read and anyone who doesn't because if you don't read, well then your just stupid, and you need to start and these three books would be a good place to begin.
I am going to put in a paragraph from The Quiet American because it really touched me while reading it and though the meaning behind the paragraph is rather a sad outlook on life it non the less is very well written and touched me a little because sometimes I have to say my outlook can be similar and it can feel good to read something written before you were here and makes you realize your not quite so alone.


"From childhood I had never believed in permanence, and yet I had longed for it. Always I was afraid of losing happiness. This month, next year, Phuong would leave me. If not next year, in three years. Death was the only absolute value in my world. Lose life and one would lose nothing again forever. I envied those who could believe in a God and I distrusted them. I felt they were keeping their courage up with a fable of the changeless and the permanent. Death was far more certain than God, and with death there would be no longer the daily possibility of love dying. The nightmare of a future of boredom and indifference would lift. I could never have been a pacifist. To kill a man was surely to grant him an immeasurable benefit. Oh yes, people always, everywhere, loved their enemies. It was their friends they preserved for pain and vacuity." Graham Greene-The Quiet American

Phuong is a woman he was with in the book if you couldn't figure that out. Her name means Phoenix, I thought that was pretty cool. Anyway, I must be off LOST is about to begin and it should be a good one. I hope to be adding some pictures on here soon and changing things up a bit. Take care my friends. Until Next time.

I was sleeping perfectly last night, went to bed at 1:00 which is a decent hour for me. Then I had this dream! Such a bad dream that when it woke me at 8:50 in the morning, even though sunlight was coming through my window I had to get up and out of bed. I turned on even more lights in my house and was constantly afraid of seeing a shadow of a figure like that in my dream. The dream felt incredibly real and probably has prevented me from sleeping ever again. Now your probably all laughing and that is fine I can see the humor in it. But I am not joking either I was terrified. Now you are probably wondering what could he have dreamed about that scared him so much, well I am not telling you. If you are that curious ask me and I will try my best to explain and it will be hard to put into words but I will try. However to give you some idea when I woke up I couldn't breath, literally the air was gone from me and it took me seconds or a minute to breath again. Like having the air knocked out of you by someone. So anyway I am a little over it but not that much. I keep thinking something is going to happen, weird because lets be realistic nothing like that ever happens. You don't have a dream and then wake up and some thing happens pertaining to it. Just doesn't work like that, yet I am still freaked out. Anyway, until next time....if there is a next time. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

This may be a random entry going back and forth about confusion. There isn't much rational thought in it, I wasn't looking to answer my questions in this entry or say I am one way or another, its just confusion, I don't think I am quite ready for answers yet.

But before that if you haven't seen the video for Vanessa Carlton's new song White Houses you should. Its just a cool video where she does some funky ballet dance moves and plays piano.

So the past week has not been an easy one for me. Nothing bad happened just one of those times where things are down. I have been pretty depressed lately and it can sometimes lead to anger. Well, in my case not sometimes, it does. I want to find some kind of meaning in my life, purpose or something that lets me know a difference can be made. Lately when I look, I find just the opposite. I think a lot about it and I was told recently that I should not have such a broad search. I should just focus it in on one thing at a time. Its hard to try it when I don't know exactly what I am searching for in the first place. I just know right now I have never felt more alone or empty. Its hard though because when I am alone I don't want to be, I want be out there doing something fun or exciting but then when I am out with friends or in a place that most people would consider exciting, I am miserable and looking to be alone again. Can't seem to figure it out. I know the first step I have to do is move out of this house I am in. It is holding me back from everything I could do with my life. I hope to be moved out within the next couple of weeks. I spend a lot of my time in movies, books and music. They produce more emotion in me then anything ever has I think, they are I admit an escape mostly. Taking me places and through things I can only hope to go through one day or in some cases never have to go through.

I am having more trouble opening up to people, including close friends I have known for ages. I just seem to keep more in these days. Not that I want to, just its hard for someone to listen to what I have to say and understand while not being worried, and if they do understand its more sympathy and pity. I don't want that, its weird that when someone worries about you how weak it makes you feel, or makes you feel like I must be doing something wrong in their eyes for them to worry. I wish it was just all right to be something with out another having to tell you its wrong or they are worried.

I am so bitter and angry toward those who don't even know what I am going through, or have never even had their faith or lives tested in any fashion and they look at me and say it will be all right. Maybe its not bitterness though maybe its jealousy, maybe there is a part of me that would like to go back to who I was. Which I will admit was someone who was very naive, ignorant and inexperienced. I see who I used to be in them, in their answers and their lives and want a piece of it back. Why is it that learning something has to be so hard, why does knowledge have to come out of hardship and loss. Doesn't matter how much you read in books or learned in classes and church. When it comes down to the experience of a thing you can never quite be prepared. I knew all the verses and had the answers and explanations I should have needed to help me get through it but they just couldn't be applied. I am going to close this out now I have probably said way to much as it is. Though I doubt to many people read this anyway. Until next time, GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

There are two versions to this story. I am going to tell you both. The first one I will tell is the PG-13 version...possibly bordering on R. and the second version is the G rated version...aka the true version.

THE BEAR: STORY 1

ACT 1

It was a beautiful sunny day out in Shenandoah National Park. The temperature was cool and refreshing. I had been horseback riding earlier in the day and thought I would take a hike in the afternoon to some waterfalls. So I began my journey downward to Cedar Run Falls. The trail to Cedar Run Falls passes through some awesome scenery as it descends a rock filled gorge. However the trail is difficult, besides being rocky it is narrow and steep. I passed a number of small falls and cascades, usually falling into small pools. About 2 miles in as I crossed over the creek on to the oppsite side I fell flat on my back. Now the one part of the path where it is smoothest and no rock or trees jump out at me, I fall. So I get back up and look to the heavens shaking my head thinking WHY? So as I look forward and go to make my way again down the path, right where I would have been at a giant black bear walks on to the path.

ACT 2

Now most people they do one of two things when they come in contact with a bear that is panic and run. Or they stand there ground and make some noise, which is exactly what I did! The bear took a few steps toward me and I fell a few steps back. Then to my side I noticed a nice sized stick that would make for a useful weapon. I was then overcome with an emotion unlike any other, there was no fear in me anymore. Adrenaline pumped through my body. I then unsheathed my knife from its belt and through my hands in the air, The stick in my left hand the knife in my right. I let out a war cry that put fear into the whole forest and charged the bear as fast and hard as I could. Now the bear used to cowardly humans running, did not know what to make of this....and he hesitated. That was the bears biggest mistake because you should never hesitate. At the last moment before I reached him he regained himself enough to stand on his feet to try and defend himself. It was to late though, I had him already. I dropped my right shoulder down into him as I wrapped my arm around his side plunging the knife deep into his back. The momentum from the charge caused us to both to fall further down the steep and narrow path. We both were entwined and fighting as we fell and rolled down to the bottom of the gorge. By chance or by fate when we came to the bottom I ended up falling onto my back first and was able to throw my left hand out with the stick pointing toward the falling bear. The bear in his incredible size then fell onto the end of the stick spearing himself. He died directly beside me. I then stood, covered in dirt and blood, both mine and the bear's and let out another war cry as I stood in victory over my opponent. I wish I could remember what happened next but either from exhaustion or dehydration I then blacked out waking up hours later in my truck back at the top of the Gorge. THE END


OK so that is one of the versions. The next version I will start out in act 2, because act 1 of this version is the exact same as act 1 of the previous version. Make sense?? I thought so. Here we go.


THE BEAR: STORY 2

ACT 2

So then after watching a bear walk out onto the path and look at me. I decided to take a few steps back....quickly. I turned around and saw the bear take a few steps toward me then look to its left and change direction entirely going up through the woods to the top or the ridge. Now most people after seeing a bear would turn back but after walking that far I was determined to see some waterfalls so I managed to pick up a stick and walk the rest of the way to the falls and relax for a little before turning back. Which on the way back I did see the bear one more time around the same place it was when I encountered it the first time only it was higher up on the ridge. The hike back was incredibly hard being as it was all up hill...or up mountain. So by the time I reached my truck I was incredibly exhausted. I went to the first lodge I came to and ate dinner and went to bed. THE END


So that my friends is the bear story. Maybe not what you were expecting and I hope you have enough imagination for both stories to take you somewhere. And I hope you can get through my horrible grammer. I will try to update this again very soon. Maybe if Matt ever shows me how to I will put some pictures on here. Until next time. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

Well I am back in Greenville and I think for good. At least for a while anyway. I have been a few places since my last update. Had an incounter with a bear and some deer. I will tell the bear story later though. There are two versions. But the best and last trip I took was to Jeff's cabin in Cashiers NC. We spent Friday through Monday there having the best time. Matt, Michelle and I drove up friday afternoon and arrived around 4. Meghan and Jeff were already there, Tyler and Jennifer came later around 7. We started a good fire and cooked some hotdogs and burgers over the fire. Which is the best way to cook any food. It just tastes so much better when cooked over open flame. Then we took to the rope swing which is great fun. Did some cool tricks on it. Saurday we went to white water falls which is my new favorite place on earth, I want to go back again real soon. Matt Ables has some good pics on his livejournal so check his out and I will try and get mine on here soon. Me, Jeff, Matt, and Michelle hiked down to the bottom of the falls and jumped rock to rock until we found this awesome swimming hole kind of thing with a small enough waterfall we could stand underneath it and behind it. I have a lot of good pictures from that. We couldn't stay long though because we had to meet Tyler and Jennifer so we had to basically run/climb to the top real fast. So on our way up we find a "shortcut" which ended up being just a very straight, narrow, and steep climb to the top. It was a lot of fun though. I enjoyed it. We got back to the cabin and then Tyler and Jennifer left to go back to Greenville. Then the rest of us basically just passed out taking naps because we were exhausted from a great day. We woke up to play RISK and do some cooking and drinking. Now I have seen some bad players in my time when it comes to RISK but none so bad as Matt Ables. I love you Matt but your right when you say you can never go to Vegas. I mean even when the odds were in his favor he somehow rolled the dice wrong and was destroyed. The game was going on so long though we saved it for the next night and went to the camp fire to drink and talk. We had some very good discussions just about life in general. So many topics passed through us that night from religion, to freewill, to morals and choosing ignorance over intelligence. When we finally decided to turn in and go to bed I think soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. The next day Michelle left and it was just Jeff, Matt, and myself. We took a drive around cashiers trying to find some other falls and mountains but just ended up back at White Water Falls. This time the three of us headed to the top of the falls. Which was an awesome time we walked barefoot down the river to the edge of the falls and sat on this rock with our feet hanging over. We had the falls all to ourselves. It was just perfect. We eventually made are way back down to the van and went back to the cabin for another nap. Waking up basically just to feed are faces again. After looking at this I have made it much longer then I intended so I will cut this short but basically Jeff is punk and beat me at RISK and we listened to some awesome peaceful music the rest of the time there while we read our books. Then monday came home back to Greenville. A weekend never to be forgotten. Well, I am off to go plan another outing tonight to see THE VILLAGE. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

FUN TALK: So after florida I wanted to see some mountains and I also wanted some place more familiar so I went to NC to Linville Falls and caverns, I drove the blue ridge parkway to get there and have to say it is one of the best drives to just listen to music and see some awesome views. I hiked to the overlooks of linville falls and when I got to the bottom of the falls I am confident that if I were to have an inner tube and maybe a life vest that I would survive going over in them. Now I said survive I am not sure about injury. But if it was permitted I would do it. The next day I spent the morning at Grandfather Mountain and stopped in there nature park to play with some bears(they were caged unfortunately), I got some awesome pictures of them and got to feed them. Then went to the top which has this cool swinging bridge. I also took the hiking trails which go farther up where there is this ladder you have to climb to get there, it was pretty cool. Then drove on to Blowing Rock and Boone where I had lunch at an awesome restaurant called Cheeseburger in Paradise if your ever in the town go to that restaurant. I have been able to get a lot of pictures and hope they turn out good. I realize though I think its time for me to go ahead and invest in a digital camera. They just seem more convenient.

SERIOUS TALK: What happens when you can't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore? When you don't know when your making a mistake or doing the right thing in everyday life. I guess we have all been raised or brought up to believe in one absolute right and wrong. Maybe by the church or just your parents own way, maybe society. What do you do though when you break away from that?? Certain circumstances may permit and action to be right in one situation but wrong in another. So do we just have to come up with are own morals? Set are own rules and live by them the best we can? If you don't believe in anything I guess you have to. Or if your not sure what you believe in. Why do I ask these questions when I am never going to find any answers?? Stupid I guess, maybe I think way to much. Anyway, until the next time. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

FUN TALK: I am back in Ft. Lauderdale now and staying with my Aunt and Uncle who have been the best hosts. Its been great staying with them. I am taking them out to dinner tonight. Right now I am feeling pretty good about myself no particular reason either. Just one of those moods you know. Tomorrow I am going to leave again and start to head west I think. I don't believe I will go to New Orleans because after being in Key West I realize I need some thing quieter and more secluded. I am eager to see some mountains and go hiking so I will just go find a mountain range somewhere. I don't think it should be to hard. There is a lot of sarcasm in what I just said so don't take it to seriously I actually have somewhere specific in mind. I am just not telling you. I have spent more money then I intended to already but I figure you only live once and I have the money to spare at this moment. Now later on in life I may look back and wish I had spent it more wisely but so far I am not getting that feeling now. In fact its funny I have had no desire to turn and go home at all. I just keep looking for the next place to go, its exciting.

SERIOUS TALK: So I am going to go over briefly some of the thoughts going through my mind at this time and to some that have known me may find this depressing. Basically I am having a very hard spiritual time right now. Everything I have believed in my life I am doubting, and more then that, there are moments when I don't even want my beliefs in my life anymore. Just to throw them out. I have lost a lot of passion for them I used to have. When I do try to have that passion again and pray and talk to God I get a kind of foolish feeling. Like there is nothing there at all. I am torn in two, one side believing and holding on and the other letting go of something that was never even there in the first place. I haven't given up on anything though. To be honest how can your ever really know anything? For every belief or fact there seems to be an argument to create doubt, but not bad arguments but good points that need to be considered. I think so many times we are raised to believe one thing and we never question it. Or those who teach us may not teach us with the open mind we need to have. So we just settle on whats been handed to us never to strike out on are own and find truth. If there is any truth at all. Well, that is some of the thoughts going through my mind at this point. If any one is reading these feel free to respond and let me know your thoughts but be respectful please. I will try and keep you all posted on my fun adventures and my searching thoughts. Since I do believe in something out there and I consider something spiritual to be behind it I will continue with my closing words. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

Hello everyone, so I have been in the keys now a few days and just now made it to an internet cafe to update whats been going on. I started my trip off by stopping in Savannah GA. which was awesome I spent one night in downtown savannah and then the next night at the beach on Tybee Island. I went swimming at night there and the water was glowing with phosphorescence(spell?) It was awesome, every time I moved it lighted up, it was a lot of fun. Then I took off down toward FL. and stopped in Ft. Lauderdale to see my aunt and some family. I stayed there two days and had a lot of fun. My family wanted me to stay longer but I just had to get away. So I got to key west two days ago and at first was staying at the youth hostel but they had no air so after walking most of the island and going back to lay down and waking up drenched in sweat I decided I would go get an actual hotel room. I figure I am only going to stay here another two days so I might as well be comfortable. I had to deal with the heat to much anyway. And my room I got rocks its right by south beach and has a long pier that goes out I can swim off of. So most of my days are spent waking up and sunning and swimming for an hour or two then down to duval street for lunch and walking around. Checked out a shark feeding and Hemingway's house, saw the sunset at malory point(or something like that). Sometimes I have wished I had a partner or good friend with me because there have been some moments that just would have been more fun with someone to share it with but it hasn't been bad either. I am still not sure what I am searching for in all this and at times try to avoid any serious thought but I keep an open mind as much as possible. Trying to experience anything new and fun. Well, after I am done here I may stop in ft. lauderdale again to stay with the family again and then from there take off to my next destination which may or maynot be New Orleans. So until next time. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

So maybe you guessed from my last entry I was still kind of searching for things and trying to figure out some stuff in my head. A lot of spiritual stuff and just your basic stuff like what direction to choose in life. The routines I was trying to get myself into, to calm down all my thinking, didn't work to well. In fact it made it worse I felt like I might break. So I made the decision to take a trip. To just leave and go where I want, when I want to. I figure when would I ever get this opportunity again. I am 22, just got home from Iraq and have some money, and I have nothing to tie me down. So why stay here living with my parents and getting a job when I could go out and have my self an experience of a lifetime. So tomorrow I am leaving for the florida keys. From there I will probably come back north and head west, see New Orleans and cross texas to see all the national parks I can to California, and just make a big circle coming back east. There is no time limit to this trip so if I am not enjoying myself and learning anything then I will probably be back home in two weeks. If I am enjoying myself though and things are going really good then I plan to be gone for a while. Most of the people I have told about this are supporting me and think its a great idea. Then there are others who think I am being foolish. Either way I will have done something none of them have.
The book The Alchemist has really been an inspiration to me also, I recommend that book to anyone who is afraid to chase their dreams or is at a cross roads in there life. I am still going to try and update this journal while I am out on the road because I am sure I will come across internet cafes. I will send postcards when I can. Well, I have some more packing to do. Just look out for updates on where I am. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

So its been a while. More then a year since I have had a journal entry in here. I got home a little under two months ago. Its been weird at times adjusting back to this. I have been through a lot, more then I can understand right now. Though I am trying to figure it out, there is a thought in the back of my mind like an echo just saying don't bother, no one ever figures it out. I still try to of course. I am making all the right decisions with my life being back, making sure I don't fall into anything crazy or bad but to be honest its just a bunch of actions and thats it. Yeah I am getting the job and yeah I am planning on buying a house and moving onto that next step in the "adult responsible life" Just hoping that somewhere along the way that these choices will lead me to some sort of purpose or passion to take my life over again. The most positive thing around me are my family and friends. The fact that all of us are in Greenville this summer is encouraging to me. I have gotten to spend a lot of time with them these past few weeks and it has been great! I hope this summer turns out to be a lot of fun.

I started a new book a few days ago called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, I think I spelled that right. Its very good so far. About a boy who basically sells everything he has to pursue a dream. He doesn't know where the dream will lead and he meets very interesting characters along the way. Not only is it a great story but it really shows you how often we put aside are dreams because of others telling us it can't be done or because the obstacles look to great. I can say right at this moment I don't think I have a dream or a goal to pursue. I think I will eventually so I am not to bothered that I don't have one now. Well, for my first entry in a long time I am not going to go overboard and make this long. I will try and write more often at least once a week. Until next time. GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

So Tuesday I was called up and informed I am leaving. My reserve unit has been mobilized. It wouldn't have been a problem except for the short notice. I leave tomorrow morning for brevard where I suppose they will give me more information and prepare for what were doing. I am hoping that friday and saturday night I will be able to come home and say goodbye to more people. Sunday I am gone for good though. To Fort Bragg and from there who knows what will happen. I am a little nervous but only because everything is unknown to me and I don't know what to expect. I am not afraid in the long run though. Once I find out more I know I will be fine. I have complete faith that this is where God wants me. I have prayed about it and certain events have happened that were more then coincidence, that have prepared me for facing this. I don't know how long I will be gone but hopefully the time will pass well and pass fast. As much as this is a journal I don't think it is ever one that can be kept as a true journal. More like a way to talk to people at once. So to all my friends who do read this on occasion. You have all been such a blessing in my life. Nothing has blessed my life more then all of you in it. I have shared so many memories with you and each of you mean so much to me. We have faced trials and hardships together, and we overcame. There are no words that can express the feeling besides and overwhelming love I have for all of you. I only hope that I have been able to be the friend that you have all been to me. As I go I leave you with a quote that my best friend's grandfather says, "MAY THE BEST OF THE PAST BE THE WORST OF THE FUTURE." I pray and hope the best for you all and with all my heart I love you all. Good-Bye.
GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

Mike

So Tuesday I was called up and informed I am leaving. My reserve unit has been mobilized. It wouldn't have been a problem except for the short notice. I leave tomorrow morning for brevard where I suppose they will give me more information and prepare for what were doing. I am hoping that friday and saturday night I will be able to come home and say goodbye to more people. Sunday I am gone for good though. To Fort Bragg and from there who knows what will happen. I am a little nervous but only because everything is unknown to me and I don't know what to expect. I am not afraid in the long run though. Once I find out more I know I will be fine. I have complete faith that this is where God wants me. I have prayed about it and certain events have happened that were more then coincidence, that have prepared me for facing this. I don't know how long I will be gone but hopefully the time will pass well and pass fast. As much as this is a journal I don't think it is ever one that can be kept as a true journal. More like a way to talk to people at once. So to all my friends who do read this on occasion. You have all been such a blessing in my life. Nothing has blessed my life more then all of you in it. I have shared so many memories with you and each of you mean so much to me. We have faced trials and hardships together, and we overcame. There are no words that can express the feeling besides and overwhelming love I have for all of you. I only hope that I have been able to be the friend that you have all been to me. As I go I leave you with a quote that my best friend's grandfather says, "MAY THE BEST OF THE PAST BE THE WORST OF THE FUTURE." I pray and hope the best for you all and with all my heart I love you all. Good-Bye.
GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS

Mike

So I have had a lot happen this week. I went to go see if I could get approved for a loan to buy that condo and I am. Well, 97% approved. I have to come up with $1400. Which I think I can do. I also applied at B&N and they called me back the same afternoon to set up an interview so I see that as being a pretty good sign. So working at the handlebar, Barnes and Noble and having the army reserve I will be making more then enough to take care of the bills if I move out. Of course....I have kept a lot from my parents. They don't yet know about the loan because I neglected to tell them I set up a meeting to see if I qualified for the loan. But since I do qualify it makes telling them kind of scary because I know they will somehow find a way to tear this down. Anyway, I will try and write more tonight but I have basketball practice. So until next time.
GO WITH GOD MY FRIENDS